If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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