So drunk its hurt
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
