Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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