Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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