I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
