There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
