she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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