My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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