I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
