he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
