every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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