i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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