im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
