Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize