I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
