my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
