She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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