Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
