yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
