i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
