anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
