You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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