Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
