Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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