I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
