I wish my penis had an off switch
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
