you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
