you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
