My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
