***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
