Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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