What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
