As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
