If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
