And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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