I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize