"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
