so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can I color on your dick again?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
