Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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