I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
