pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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