Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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