Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
