Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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