and you said cock pushups were impossible
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
