I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
