how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
