I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
