lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
