I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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