I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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