cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
