Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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