Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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