I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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