sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
