This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
