Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
