Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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