it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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