Soap is not a condiment
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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