I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
