North Korea, Best Korea!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
