How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
