his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
