he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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