dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
