So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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