You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
