you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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