So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
