is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
